Saturday, April 6, 2013

There are 3 things...

That keep my baby, a baby.  Yes, it's true.... Logan is a rapidly growing, always learning, highly energetic toddler.  He weighs well over 27 lbs and is almost 33 inches tall.  He can go up and down stairs all by himself.  He knows all the hand motions to just about every children's song you can think of that has hand motions.  He jumps, dances, climbs, and runs around the apartment all day long.  He'll always be my little baby, but let's face it... he's not very little, and most people wouldn't consider him much of a baby.  But there are these 3 things that manage to keep my baby, a baby - at least to me.  Yet over the last month or so, even these 3 things are slipping from my grasp.  Pretty soon all the baby will be gone and I'll be left with only toddler.  Here are the 3 things about Logan I'm holding on to as long as I can, hoping he'll stay momma's baby forever!

1.  Logan still breastfeeds.  Yes.  I am the crazy lady nursing her almost 2 year old (more on breastfeeding at a later date).  It helps him fall asleep, get him going in the morning, and soothe and calm him when he's upset.  I normally only breastfeed him 4-5 times a day for maybe 10-15 minutes at a time.  A far cry from the every 2 hours 1 hour 20 minute feedings I survived when he was a newborn (man, that kid could EAT!)  But the few moments I do spend nursing him these days, take me back to those early bonding moments, and for a brief moment in time- he's still that baby that needed me so much, that relied on me for everything, that would sleep in my arms for hours.  But I know these moments are finite, and there aren't many of them left for Logan and me.  Daniel and I always said we would wean him at age 2... we'll see how that goes!

2.  Logan still gets up in the night.  Only once.  Usually around 4 or 5 in the morning.  As crazy as it might sound, I actually kind of like getting up with him in the night (my 2 weeks postpartum self is wanting to punch my current self in the face right now).  I like sneaking through the dark apartment, creaking his door open, and seeing him with outstretched arms, holding his blankie and reaching for me.  I like the quiet 5-10 minutes it takes to nurse him back to sleep.  I like the 1-2 minutes I get to hold him and rock him while he sleeps in my arms.  I love staring at him in the dark, trying to capture every last second I can.  Logan looks the most like he did when he was a baby when he's asleep.  I am always transported to all the crazy, sleepless nights we've spent together, wandering around the island in our old kitchen, bouncing him up and down, PRAYING he would sleep for more than 3 hours at a time... then the glorious moment when he was finally asleep.  But after holding him for more than 2 minutes now and he gets restless, and wants to go back to bed.  And lately, half the time he hasn't even been getting up at all.  I know it won't be long until he is always sleeping through the night, until he comes knocking on our door in the morning, until I'm trying to drag him OUT of bed.

3.  Logan can't talk.  Much.  He has a few words he's had for about 6 months now.  These include: momma, dad, that, yeah.  He loves to point and ask "That?" and every question you ask him, the answer is always a very enthusiastic "Yeah!"  Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for Logan to start talking, but in this current non-verbal state, he seems so young and innocent.  I'm not sure if I'm ready to hear what he has to say about the world just yet.  I love the look of wonder and curiosity in his eyes. I love his silly babbling.  As bad as this might sound, I love putting words in his mouth.  "You love momma best, don't you?"  I guess I just think when he can start expressing his emotions and needs using words, it's all over!  This really isn't far away.  Just this week, when my parents were here visiting, he learned caboose, grandpa, cake, and amen.  He can also tell you what sound the cat, dog, sheep, cow, and elephant make.  Pretty soon he'll be forming sentences, and telling me all about it.  I'm looking forward to that, but then I fear, my baby will be gone.

It's really true what they say.... they do grow up fast.  Faster than we'd like sometimes.  Faster than we realize.  My mom always says the longest part of your child's life is labor.  I can see where she's coming from now.  Part of me wishes I could slow it all down, keep Logan this fun-loving little baby forever.  But since I can't, I'm glad I have these 3 things to hold on to, at least a little while longer.

1 comment:

  1. This made a little teary! I love it. It does fly by WAY too quickly, and I find myself clinging to the things that keep Taj little too. And, by the way, I think its great you're still breastfeeding! I'm a little jealous about it actually, I wish I could've breastfed Taj for longer. You're an amazing momma!