Thursday, February 12, 2015

Doing an OK Job

A couple of nights ago, for the first time in probably months, when I was putting Reagan to bed, she fell asleep in my arms.  It was such a precious moment, I never wanted it to end.  She snuggled in and I held her and rocked her and rocked her and just thought about things...

I thought about how lucky I am to have such beautiful, healthy, smart children.  I thought about how blessed I am to be able to stay home with them and to raise them and teach them about life.

I thought about Logan and how strong willed he is.  I thought about how it is so hard now, but that it will serve him well down the road.  "You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to," I reminded myself.  I thought about how one day I will miss playing super heroes and dancing with him in the kitchen.  His silly dances and tricks always make me laugh.

I thought about Reagan and her happy nature.  I thought about how seeing her smile makes me smile.  I thought about her obsession with dogs and wondered where it came from.  I thought about her sneaking food to Cuddles, and marveled at her giving nature, even at so young.  I thought about how silly she looks trying to jump- squatting down to the ground, standing up quickly, and throwing her arms in the air- then breaking out in fits of laughter.

I'm so lucky they are mine.

So many times I find myself getting caught in the "Mommy Guilt" trap.  Feeling bad about TV or sugar or yelling or tantrums or whatever else we as mothers aren't supposed to do.  I live in a constant state of fear that I'm ruining my kids.  But in that moment, I just had an overwhelming feeling that I was doing an OK job.  My kids are clean, fed, rested, and healthy.  They have a loving, stable, safe home.  They are free to make messes, make noise, make mistakes, and make believe.

So that evening I realized: maybe I shouldn't sweat the small stuff.  It's really the BIG things that matter.  Maybe I don't know how much TV kids should watch or how much sugar they should eat, but I've got the important things figured out.

Because I am doing an OK job.  And my kids are lucky that I am theirs, too.

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