Friday, August 17, 2012

5 Years

5 Years. Daniel and I have been married for 5 years.  5 wonderful years.  5 amazing years.  5 challenging years.  I say challenging because of the challenging things we have faced together.  Moving 3 times, law school applications, law school, living with parents, having a baby, bar prep, and so on and so forth.  But always together.  And I've learned a few things along the way.

A lot about Daniel.  Like how he likes to be called Daniel and not Dan.  Yes, I learned AFTER we were married.  Or how he likes more jelly, less peanut butter on his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Or how he coughs when he cleans his ears.  All things I learned about him after we were married.  

A lot about myself.  And I do mean A LOT.  Like how I have to have the thermostat exactly 67 degrees to sleep comfortably.  Or how I have to have the home I live in decorated and hate blank walls.  How I am surprisingly a good cook.  Or how I was born to be a mother.  And many others - things Daniel (and marriage in general) has taught me about myself.  

I have probably learned more about love these past 5 years than anything else.  

A lot about what love is NOT.   Love is not like in the movies.  It is not typically displayed in dramatic settings, or grand gestures.  Love is not a public thing. I have found that you typically build the foundation for a great love in the walls of your own home.  Love is not about gifts, surprises, or vacations.  While these things are fun and nice, and can at times strengthen love, I don't think these types of things are really what love is.  Love is not about comparisons.  And not everyone's love, relationship, and love story is the same.  Trying to compare your spouse or your relationship to others will only damage love.  

A lot about what love IS.  Love is fun.  Above all, love is fun.  I know I love my Daniel, because I have more fun with him than anyone else.  And we laugh, and act silly, and I love that.  Even when we are not doing anything, it's fun because we are together.  Love is work.  Not in the sense that it takes work to love each other (because it really doesn't!) but that love is displayed as work.  Daniel works hard to support our family, so I know he loves me.  I work hard to keep our house running and take care of Logan, so he knows I love him.  Love is work.  Love is the little things.  And I don't mean the little things like "bringing home flowers" or "writing poems".  These fall into the "gifts, surprises, or vacations" category, which are fun and nice, but not love.  I mean the REALLY little things.  Like when Daniel falls asleep on the couch, and I go wake him up so he can sleep in his own bed so he's not tired the next day.  Or when I yell to Daniel to bring me something from another room when I'm giving Logan a bath and he does it without complaining.  Maybe it's called common courtesy to some, but for Daniel and me - it's love.  

I was 20 when Daniel and I got married, and I didn't have a CLUE!  I really didn't.  But 5 years later, I can say I think I'm starting to understand a little piece about the person I married, the person I am, and our love.  I love him more today than I did yesterday.  I will love him more tomorrow.  Marrying him really was the best decision I have ever made.  Here's to many more years and many more lessons in love!

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